


Before You Go

by thechaoscryptid



Series: Every Day I'm Tumblin' [18]
Category: Given (Anime)
Genre: Hair Braiding, Introspection, Light Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 08:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20888993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechaoscryptid/pseuds/thechaoscryptid
Summary: I wonder if he’s happy like this, if he’s in the same limbo I find myself in. It can’t be quite the same--he tells me everything, and there’s no one else waiting for him at the end of a long day. My brow furrows with frustration that I’m still not man enough to let Ugetsu go, and that I’m probably doing nothing but hurting all of us in the process.





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> For tumblr prompt "playing with the other's hair"

_He deserves more. _As the door slides shut behind him and I watch him light a cigarette, those three words sear into my head. The click of his camera shutter, the way his breath hitches in his chest when he looks at me, his little laugh I love so much…they’re all sounds I hear in dreams, and they’re all sounds I don’t deserve to keep close to my heart.

His hair slides back and forth over his back as he shakes his head at something unknown, and my chest aches with the want to run my fingers through the silken strands again. The touches I steal in the sun are fuel to light my way as I navigate the dark paths away from him, each burning bright with a fire that threatens to consume what’s left of my soul. I say I’d give it all up for just one more but because I know that’s not strictly true, I content myself with the small moments I carve for myself.

He’s fucking beautiful, the perfect blend of softness and light to balance out his guitar-calloused fingers and a jaw that could cut me deep if he tried. 

I wonder if he’s happy like this, or if he’s in the same limbo I find myself in. It can’t be quite the same–he tells me everything, and there’s no one else waiting for him at the end of a long day. My brow furrows with frustration that I’m _still _not man enough to let Ugetsu go, and that I’m probably doing nothing but hurting all of us in the process.

“Let it go,” I whisper. The words sound so hollow, like giving this up for now _isn’t _the best option. _Like I still love him. “_Enough is enough.”

Haruki’s fingers brushing against the door startle me, and I crack my eyes just enough to see loneliness give way to a smile on his face as he lets himself in. “Ahh,” he sighs. “Good party, even if you did surprise me.”

“You can thank Uenoyama for the pie,” I say. I force myself to relax into the couch as he flops down on the floor next to me, laying his head on my arm without a care in the world. It _burns, _but it’s worth the ache. 

He’s worth it all, and I hope he knows it.

“I doubt I’ll be _thanking _him anytime soon,” he chuckles, “but I’ll make sure to give him hell about it when I see him next.”

“Mhmm.” 

“Aki?”

My heart skips a beat as his fingertips brush against mine, and another when he tugs my hand to his hair. “What?”

“Can you–” He pauses for a second, shrinking beneath my touch, before letting his head tip so his cheek is resting warm on my bicep. “Would you mind doing my hair before you go?”

“Of course,” spills from my lips before I can get to _maybe later, _and I curse myself for not being stronger as I sit up. He’s so…_small _under my hands. I’d say _delicate _if it wouldn’t get me hit, but elegant perhaps fits better. “How do you want me? It? It.”

I don’t miss the way his shoulders stiffen below me before he laughs nervously. “Braid it, maybe? Yours are always nice.” He looks up, hope in his eyes, and it takes all I have in me not to lean down and press my lips to his forehead. “Just sort of perfect,” he says softly.

“Yeah, fine,” I say. I should take more time than I do undoing his ponytail and fanning his hair out. I didn’t get him nearly enough for his birthday, so I _should _give this my all–but if I do that, I’m not sure _will _could triumph over _want. “_Tip your head forward.”

His hair falls forward with him to frame his face and not for the first time, I wonder what it would look like from underneath him. I worry the metal in my lip as I fight against the way that desire threatens to break over me. Whatever products he uses smell like heaven, making it hard to focus on something more than simply feeling the way I comb my fingers through gold over and over.

“Mafuyu and Uenoyama are good together,” he says after a minute’s silence. “Complementary.”

“Mm.”

He waits for a longer answer, the seconds stretching into too long before he asks, “Is it that way with Ugetsu?”

“No,” I say sharply, too quickly, and Haruki jumps. “He’s–” I fumble for the right words, the ones that won’t turn this moment any more sour. “He’s…obsessive. Not like either of them. Like…like–”

“It’s okay,” Haruki says. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“He’s not like them.” 

_He’s not _you, _Haru._

_“_I suppose they wouldn’t be as sweet, then,” he sighs softly.

My fingers catch on a snarl as I try to keep my face under control, and he winces. “Sorry.”

“No, I should’ve brushed it before asking you.” He lets the full weight of his head rest in my hand, and I swear he nuzzles into my palm for a split second before asking I continue. “It feels good. I could use that tonight.”

“A pie to the face wasn’t enough to make you feel good?” I risk.

He huffs in what I’m assuming is supposed to be a laugh before peering over his shoulder. “Just keep doing what you’re doing,” he says as I tug his hair into place. “It’s what I want. You wouldn’t deny the birthday boy, now, would you?”

“Of course not.” It’s not like I _ever _want to deny him, but that’s a battle I have to keep to myself. The way he slumps, boneless, below me, makes me want to hold him, straighten his spine so he stands as proud as he usually does. It feels like he’s admitting defeat, and that’s almost more than I can bear.

“I’m sorry,” he says when I tie off the braid. “Didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

“I’ve been in weirder situations,” I say. “Besides, doing your hair is relaxing.”

“Regardless…”

“Haru,” I say, and he quickly rubs both hands over his face before standing and sitting on the couch, several feet away from me. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I promise.”

“Well, then.” He tucks his knees against his chest and settles his chin on folded arms. “We should probably sleep before it gets light out, don’t you think?”

This time, _no _is right on the tip of my tongue, but I manage, “Yeah, probably,” as I get up and grab my things. When he rises and we pause together at the door, I look down to see him nervously biting the edge of his sweater sleeve. “Hey.”

He trembles, pupils dilating as I give one of the escaped locks a stroke.

“Good night,” I say. “I hope we made it a good one.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments always read and _very_ much appreciated, and I always do my best to get back to them ❤️
> 
> You can also find me lurking and yelling about fictional characters on:  
[Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aryagraceling)  
[Discord](https://discord.gg/cM8FaND)  
[Tumblr](https://aryagraceling.tumblr.com)  
[Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951)


End file.
